Intercultural dating problems
Sometimes I don’t want to chat with someone who only has a theoretical understanding of gender oppression.Sometimes I want to talk to someone who just gets it.Rather than focus on blogging about this fruitless subject, I began to think about why these are such hotbed topics to begin with.Why is it, on the heels of 2012, are we so fascinated with racial distinctiveness, yet not interested at all in what unites us?– where affinity groups can be together without the presence of the oppressor – exist: so that tough conversations can be had with fewer guards up, so that you can communicate thousands of ideas in a single collective sigh, so that you can cry together with those who don’t just sympathize, but empathize.And while it’s important to be willing to talk to your partner about race and to feel comfortable bringing it up, it’s just as important to be willing to step back and recognize when your whiteness is intrusive. I’ve been the “But I love you, and you love me, and why can’t you share this with me? Because it’s really difficult to watch your partner hurt and not be let in. Maybe it isn’t appropriate for your partner to take you home to meet their parents.But they may feel alienated and not connected to your significant other. Just make sure that your significant other is supporting you unabashedly when their family is in the wrong. You don’t want to end up like that chick that was calling Dr. Shirking away from your lover in public is disrespectful on so many levels! I was tempted to put “The Black Community” there, but these issues are not unique to White/Black couplings.
But still, interracial romantic relationships present a whole new set of challenges.
Will they want some alone time afterward – or maybe some time to debrief with you? I’m in the middle of rewatching Degrassi: The Next Generation from season one, episode one. From demands to “speak Spanish to me” to straight-up hurling the N-word the way one might “baby” in the heat of the moment, it’s clear that not all white people understand how to show basic respect and humanity toward their partners of color. Fabello, Co-Managing Editor of Everyday Feminism, is a sexuality educator, eating disorder and body image activist, and media literacy vlogger based out of Philadelphia. in English Education from Boston University and an M.
And I’ve developed this habit of asking my partner if he’ll do things with me, based on what’s happening on the show: “Will you do coke with me? I’d love to be able to give you a formula – some kind of foolproof ratio of number-of-white-to-POC partners – to help you determine if you’re racist because you don’t date enough outside of whiteness or if you’re racist because you too often date outside of whiteness. She enjoys rainy days, Jurassic Park, and the occasional Taylor Swift song and can be found on You Tube and Tumblr.
That is, unless you count my first boyfriend – José – who, in the second grade, long-distance collect-called me from Puerto Rico and got me in a lot of trouble with my dad. But I think it’s worth revisiting these concepts within the context of romantic or sexual relationships. And the way we practice our allyship in those contexts should reflect that.
So, whether you’re years deep in a charmingly fairy tale-esque romance with your beau or you’re just now firing up to dive into your first, here are seven things to remember as a white person involved with a person of color.